Author Archive

I love Lily Allen

April 15, 2008

Now this may be controversial, but I Love Lily Allen. Not her music, or maybe not even her personality – I can’t really say having never met her. But I do love her general appearance. She is the exact epitome of a celebrity who I think is quite fit but not hot enough to be totally inaccessible. That’s not to say I think I could necessarily dampen a digit backstage at Lily Allen and Friends, but she has a definite tawdry edge. On top of that, I think she may embody the safe middle-class version of my mild fetish for sluts with lots of gold jewellery – like the girl who used to deliver papers on my street in Air Max 90s, a ton of gold, and a boob tube. But (I hope) without the chronic syphilis and gonorrhea that I am sure she had.

I love Sharpe

April 3, 2008

SharpeI love Sharpe. We all know The Sopranos, The Wire, 24 and so on are the inanely hip, gripping series for our generation. But I really must say that nothing in my world beats a night in watching Sean Bean rage through the arid fields of Portugal or France in his beautiful emerald green uniform slaying the rotten Frenchies. Every episode there is a new wench, her milky white bosom surging out of her corset, her delicate curls framing her so very English face. Then there is the never-ending thrill of class related conflicts. Sharpe, being raised from the ranks is an officer – but not a gentleman. This leads to many a duel with snotty officers who haven’t even had a whiff of the black powder upon the field of battle or so much glanced a French eagle standard, let alone capture one at the battle of Talevera like Sharpe did. I have sadly finished my Sharpe box set and am now battling through the lonely evenings without the company of that swarthy Yorkshire man and his chosen men. Woe is indeed me.