I love sweets


I’d be pretty happy to have 90 per cent of my meals based around sweets. Not even fancy expensive ones – I mean the cheapest, chewiest, most falsely neon coloured sweets available. I’ve loved them since I first accompanied my mum on shopping trips to the supermarket back in those halcyon, sugar-flavoured days. She would allow me and my sisters a pick ‘n’ mix selection from the array of inedible, jaw breaking, sticky, often peculiarly shaped treats.

They were clearly terrible for my teeth and general health since these days I have a mouth that has as much gold and silver in it as a display tray at Elizabeth Duke and I’m pretty short, pale, stumpy and as unfit as Rik Waller before his short stint on Celebrity Fit Club. Thanks, mum.

I suppose sweets are my guilty pleasure given that I have a constant secret stash of them at any time of any day. I have even been known to pretend they are “for the kids” when I’m buying a particularly large load of strawberry bootlaces, foam strawberries, chocolate mice and Tangfastics.

Tell us your fave sweets I hear you cry. Okay, if you insist, here are my top 3 sweets, in a very particular order:

  • Giant strawberrys: they are giant, red and green and taste in no way like a strawberry but they are nicer than the biggest and best Sunday roast TV chef favourite Anthony Worral Thomson could ever conjure up. I usually buy these in tens (5 pence each) and chew on them over a double bill of a late 80s/early 90s US sitcom.
  • Red rope liquorice: Garth from Wayne’s World inspired me on this one – he is a big fan of the red rope liquorice and even had a red liquorice vending machine thing installed in his car. This one is less juicy than the aforementioned giant strawberry. In fact, they are quite tough and if your teeth were not of a strong disposition I’d say be careful when gnawing on these. Taste wise they are a sort of cherry flavour and are incredibly moreish. Rather conveniently they sell them across the street from my house.
  • Haribo fizzy cherries: these delights can be found in bags of Haribo Tangfastics and do genuinely taste like cherries, believe it or not. They seem to be most people’s favourite in the Tangfastics collection, which begs the question: why didn’t they give the cherries their own bag? They’re great if you pop them in your mouth, suck the sugary fizzy stuff and then let the jelly bit sort of disintegrate on your tongue. Delish.

Others that deserve a shout-out are: Jazzies, Gold Bears, coconut mushrooms, strawberry laces, cola cubes and foam shrimps.

Feel free to share your favourite crappy sweet top charts. I would genuinely be quite interested.


2 Responses to “I love sweets”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Strawberry millions, umm yummy, scrummy in my tummy

  2. macky Says:


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