I love ALF


ALFPeople who know me will already be aware of my deep and sincere love of ALF. I’ve been in love with him since the first day our eyes met across my living room – he was on the TV “checking out the fridge” and I was sitting mesmerised chewing on a Wham bar. This must have been about 18 years ago and our love has only grown stronger and stronger by the day since then. I would describe our relationship as a wonderful, soft fuzzy dream where life is simply perfect now and forever more.

I guess the main thing about ALF is that there is pretty much nothing to hate about him. I mean, what could you really hate? He is an alien brightening up the lives of an otherwise really boring family. He is short with massive hands and feet. One of his palms is the shape of a love heart. He is a brown, hairy optimist (his catchphrase is “No problem”) with great dress sense and the funniest jokes. These are just a few of the reasons that at the age of 8 I fell for ALF’s furry, funny ways.

I remember the day ALF arrived at my house in his cardboard spaceship fresh from planet Melmac. What I have gradually come to realise is that he actually arrived in a cardboard spaceship carried in a plastic bag from Toy Bazar – the biggest and best toy shop in town, thanks very much (when I was 8 years old). From day one, ALF and I did everything together. Amongst many other things, we have been to the Tour de France, Blackpool Pleasure Beach and the Glasgow Garden Festival. The best of times.

Another reason I love ALF is because he’s strong. He’s a fighter. Over the years he has had to take some pretty cruel and unfair criticism over his larger-than-average nose, his portly physique and his, erm, unique looks. Some have gone as far as to describe him as ugly, gross or “cock nosed” (someone called him this just last week). But he’s a tough little guy and he simply takes these criticisms and eats them for breakfast.

As I type these words of love, ALF is sat by my side taking a peek at what I write and smiling modestly to himself.


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