I love instant coffee

I can’t believe there are people out there who turn their noses up at instant coffee. It’s so much more satisfying and less bitter than filter coffee and loads cheaper too. In fact, I find the cheaper the instant coffee, the better a lot of the time. I hate people who refuse to touch instant and look at you like you are a hideous, festering, rat piss-drinking pauper when you offer them some. These are the people who have a ridiculously expensive coffee machine at home, which they spend an hour every morning fiddling with and shovelling what looks like finely powdered faeces into until they end up with an egg cup full of something that tastes like soot. Caustic, gritty, inedible soot. I’m guessing people only make such a pitiful amount of the stuff because that is all they can stomach. In the past, I would naively and politely accept the offer of a cup of this black bile, but not any more. Now, whenever someone offers me some kind of fancy filter coffee, I smugly reply, “Sorry, dear, I only drink instant.”